I hang up the phone in tears.
I knew when this day came I would be filled with regret, but I forgot that there would be nothing I could do to fix things. Nothing I could do to change the passage of time and make a different decision, follow a different path, choose a different priority. There's nothing that will change the fact that I'm here - snuggled up in bed, in my favourite corner of London, typing away at my blog trying to distract myself. It doesn't matter how very much it hurts right now - I'm here, not there.
Today my friends are celebrating one of the happiest days of their life together. They are marrying each other surrounded by friends and family. They are celebrating their love for each other with the people who love them.
And I'm here. Not there. And nothing will ever change that.